Growing up, I have struggled with religion. I was raised to believe in God, but over the years, I began questioning things like “is there a higher power up there?” I wanted answers to my questions, and if I am not getting them, I am not believing. I have always been in the agnostic/atheist spectrum, but if I do not want to explain, I just say I am a freethinker. After all, religion is something I do not really think about nor talk about because it makes me uncomfortable.

Since coming to Australia in July 2018, my family here goes to church every Sunday. Doubtfully, I went to church with them, but I did not understand the preaching. However, I kept going back because I had a good time with my family and something about seeing the unity of so many people satisfied me.

A few weeks later, it was orientation day. 2 girls approached me to have a chat. We talked for a while, then they invited me to a life group. To be honest, I was not very keen on going, but they would not stop texting me. When I went to a life group for the first time, everyone was so friendly and welcoming, I felt like I fit in. Lo and behold, I never thought that this would be the first step of a fantastic journey.

Half a year later, I was stressing out at university and had mental breakdowns for weeks. There was a song called You Deserve by Hillsong, and it goes “Now in the darkness God’s light shines, Christ forever glorified”. When I hit a new low in my life, that was when I truly felt God’s presence. I remember feeling so loved by God for the first time, and there were no words for how amazing that felt.

On 12 July 2019, I was having a conversation with a friend at Campus Christian Movement. She asked if I am a Christian, I thought about it and said I am a freethinker, but open to Christianity. She told me her testimony of how she accepted Christ, which left a massive impact on me. I cannot stop thinking about it. What is the actual definition of being a Christian? Where is that line to cross?

The next day, I told my family how I felt about my friend’s testimony. My uncle said that, to him, the definition of being a Christian is “if Jesus comes knocking at your door, will you let him in? Or will you question him?” He also pointed out that I have been so involved in church and life groups, and that must have meant something to me. After that chat, I met up with some girls from my life group for lunch, and I told them everything. After discussing more and asking me for the 15th time, I finally invited Jesus into my life proclaiming that He is my Lord and Saviour.

Through this journey, I finally understood that you do not need answers to believe, that is why it is called a belief. To those who are still seeking, remain hopeful, because one day, you will find what you are looking for. Just like I did.

Elena Koay
Bachelor of Information Technology